Let me start by saying that I’m a late bloomer when it comes to dating. When I was younger, I was always busy with other things – my studies, work, family, and friends. Looking for a partner or settling down simply wasn’t a priority... until I reached my 30s.
The longing for a partner came all of a sudden. Even though I still live with my parents and am surrounded by people most of the time, I feel lonely and long for companionship. So, I decided to do something about it and signed up for two dating apps.
At first, dating felt fun. I was meeting new people, spending time together, and trying to build a connection without any conditions or pressure. But over time, that began to change.
Every time a potential relationship didn’t work out, I’d get disappointed. With every failed connection, I felt like I was losing something precious – time, energy, money, and most importantly, hope.
These days, I go on dates with very specific criteria. And I know how unromantic that sounds. Some days, it honestly feels like I’m at a business meeting and not a date.
My married friends often tell me that this isn’t how love works. But as I would like to have children, I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t have time to play around anymore. After years of searching for “The One”, I feel like I am racing against the clock.
However, I’ve come to a point where every date and conversation feels measured. It’s like I’m always calculating whether this could actually work.
All of this has made me super anxious. I worry constantly that I won’t be able to find anyone. Lately, I’ve even started to wonder if there’s something wrong with me – why doesn’t anyone want to be with me?
Ideally, getting to know someone organically would be wonderful, but it takes time – time I feel I don’t have. That’s why I date for the future, not just for fun. And yet, I can’t help but wonder if I am doing this the wrong way? I honestly don’t know.
This article is part of TSS Confessions, a weekly column where we delve into personal finance topics that are unscripted and genuine real accounts from people.
