For the longest time, I thought buying expensive things was how you celebrated success. I felt pressured to own luxury bags, the kind people called a “long-term investment” or a “symbol of achievement”. I told myself I deserved them, that they were rewards for working hard for years.
But the satisfaction didn’t last. Owning them made me more anxious than happy. Every time I used one, I worried it might get scratched, stained by lipstick, or marked by ink. I became so cautious that I eventually stopped using them altogether. Those bags ended up sitting in the wardrobe, beautiful, but useless.
A few years later, one was stolen. What I felt wasn’t sadness, but frustration, not just because it was gone, but because I realised how much mental space that bag had taken up. That was the moment I understood how exhausting it was to protect something that was supposed to bring joy.
That was the start of a mindset shift. I began to see that true value doesn’t lie in what you can touch or show off. I started to appreciate things that can’t be lost, knowledge, experiences, lessons. Things that grow with you, and don’t need to be guarded with fear.
Still, my journey didn’t end there. I had stopped overspending, but another habit had quietly taken over: being too frugal. I became obsessed with saving as much as possible, even if it meant sacrificing comfort.
I remember parking far from the hospital and taking a shuttle bus just to save a dollar or two on parking. I’d wait under the hot sun, convinced it was the “wise” thing to do. In my mind, spending was a weakness, and restraint was discipline.
But now I realise both came from the same root, fear.
Before, I was afraid of not looking successful enough. Later, I was afraid of losing what I had. Both were different forms of anxiety.
It took me years to learn that peace also comes with a price, and sometimes, it’s worth paying. These days, I don’t hesitate to spend $30 at a private clinic rather than queueing for hours at a public hospital. Spending isn’t wasteful, it’s a way of caring for my time, energy, and health.
When I finally reached a net worth of $1 million at 39, I thought peace would follow. I thought I’d finally feel safe. But it took another three years and one more rental property before I felt ready to let go of stability and retire.
It turns out, letting go of the need to feel secure all the time is harder than earning that security. At some point, it stopped being about money, it became about trust. Trusting that I’ve done enough, learned enough, and that I am enough.
Now, as I approach retirement, I see that financial peace was never really about numbers. It’s about confidence in your choices, knowing when to save, when to spend, and when ‘enough’ is truly enough.
After all these years, I’ve learned I don’t need possessions to prove anything.
I don’t need luxury to feel worthy, or validation to feel successful.
Real wealth isn’t measured by what you can buy or how much you can save, but by how free you are from fear, pressure, and the need to prove yourself.
Because at the end of the day, having peace with what you have, and who you are, is the real wealth.
This article is part of TSS Confessions, a weekly column where we delve into personal finance topics that are unscripted and genuine real accounts from people.
Najibah Eradah Abdullah is a personal finance educator and coach focused on budgeting, saving, and shariah-compliant investing. Through her content, she shares practical insights on personal finance. You can follow her on Instagram or visit her website.
