Confessions

I Wanted To Heal My Inner Child. So, I Gave Her My Wallet.

When I was little, I almost always heard the same sentence every time I asked for something, “No, it’s too expensive.” At first, I thought it was normal. But as I grew older, I realised that sentence shaped me into someone who felt like I didn’t deserve anything beyond basic needs. My friends had nice bags, new toys, extra classes, and I could only watch from a distance. And honestly, I was jealous. Not the bitter kind, but the quiet jealousy that slowly convinces you your life is always lacking. That feeling followed me into adulthood. Once I started earning my own money, it felt like a door finally opened, and for the first time I could ask for anything from myself. And that’s when everything started to spiral a little. See a cute plushie? Buy! The skincare I used to admire but can’t buy? Check out! Concert tickets from a childhood band? Book immediately. It wasn’t because I needed them. It was because the younger version of me, the one who had to swallow her wants, finally had a voice. And she wanted everything she never got to have. Then one day, I opened my monthly spending tracker and it felt like a slap of reality. I spent my whole childhood being afraid to ask my parents for things, yet now I was afraid to look at my own bank statements. That’s when I started asking myself, do I really want these things, or is my inner child panicking and trying to make up for the past? I don’t want to blame my upbringing. I just want to understand why that sense of “not enough” turned into endless impulsive spending. But slowly I’ve been learning, healing isn’t about buying everything we couldn’t have before. Healing is knowing when to give yourself care, and when to give your wallet a hug too. Now, every time I want to buy something, I pause and ask, “Do I want this because I need it, or because I’m trying to soothe the child in me?” And surprisingly, it helps. My inner child is still here. She still shows up whenever I’m scrolling and spot something cute. She still wants to be spoiled, still wants to feel enough. But I’m learning to be the adult who gently tells her, “Maybe later, let’s check if we can really afford it.” Because healing your inner child matters but so does protecting the future you’re trying to build. This article is part of TSS Confessions, a weekly column where we delve into personal finance topics that are unscripted and genuine real accounts from people.